I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
