So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
