What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
