So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
