My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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