You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
