Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
