Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
