My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
