I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
