i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
