I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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