Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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