dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
