Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
