Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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