sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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