I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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