I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
