I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
