can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
