you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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