Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
