a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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