I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
