he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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