she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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