the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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