Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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