He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
