Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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