my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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