So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
