I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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