Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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