you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
