At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
