Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
