:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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