They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
