Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
