I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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