Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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