I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
