i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
