Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
