Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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