I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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