I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
