I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
