i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
