I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
