drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
