before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
