Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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