hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
