If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
