I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We are two peas in an std pod
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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