hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
