32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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