Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
