Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
whose parrot is this?
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