In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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