i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
