All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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