Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
